If this were even remotely possible, people would be flying off into space willy nilly. I think, I’m not a scientist. Photo by Nik on UnsplashWhat even are bootstraps? I’ll keep this brief. I’m particularly fond of this tidy explainer from Etymonline, a language etymology website:
bootstrap (n.)also boot-strap, tab or loop at the back of the top of a men’s boot, which the wearer hooked a finger through to pull the boots on, 1870, from boot (n.1) + strap (n.).To pull (oneself) up by (one’s) bootstraps, by 1871, was used figuratively of an impossible task (among the “practical questions” at the end of chapter one of Steele’s “Popular Physics” schoolbook (1888) is, “30. Why can not a man lift himself by pulling up on his …
- First, breathe. In through the nose, out through the mouth so you focus on doing that instead of thinking. Slow and measured. If your heart is beating fast, breathe deeper than usual, and feel your heart calm. Practice after you exert yourself so you can do it whenever you feel the need.
- If the Call Button is not active, touch it. Do not stand in front of the …
- I don’t think a lot of users flag their emails unless they are using the desktop version.
- Flagging is a visual cue that has only recently started to become a component of organization tools, i.e., Microsoft To Do.
- The Way It Is (1986)
- Scenes From The Southside (1988)
- A Night On The Town (1990)
- Harbor Lights (1993)
- Hot House …
Longform
“Picking yourself up by your own bootstraps” is stupid.
Longform
How to use an elevator
" “>
A bank of elevators in the lobby of a skyscraper. Photo by Edwin Chen on UnsplashIt happens all the time. You’re walking along, getting stuff done, and an elevator comes into the equation. Now what?
One kind of elevator call button. Any single call button means that you are either at the top or bottom floor. Photo by Ashwini Chaudhary(Monty) on Unsplash
editorial
Longform
I desperately want a lightweight OLED Switch
" “>
Just make a bigger one, Nintendo.It was a mistake that when I finally bought a Switch, I got a Switch Lite. Sure, it’s a gorgeous indigo blue, but I’m old and the screen is too small. So, I bought an OLED Switch. It was also likely a mistake when instead of returning the Lite, I put it on a shelf and forgot about it. I’d made my new OLED Switch my main, so I’d just forgotten about its little brother.
A few months back, I was sorting through some stuff and found it. I pulled it out again and stuck in my Mario+Rabbis Kingdom Battle cartridge. I didn’t put it down again for three hours.
I’ve now found myself picking up the Lite more often, despite the small screen and my old eyes.
Mario+Rabbids doesn’t have a lot of tiny …
Longform
Where the hell is the American Bidet Revolution!?
" “>
I’m going to guess that at least 12% of you will be reading this on a toilet.
Nothing makes people feel at ease more than a very public discussion about pooping… Right?
Fortunately for you, I’m not making this a video or podcast, so you can read it anywhere. Even on a public toilet.
Let’s talk about conservation of energy. Now, I know that’s a scientific principle of something, but I’m no scientist so I’m not sure how accurate I’ll be, but this whole thing seems rather obvious to me. So much so, that I’m more than a little shocked no rabid capitalistas have leapt on the Bidet Bandwagon. And no, that bandwagon doesn’t sound very fun, but we’ll get to the bidet in a moment. First, we need to talk about toilet paper. …
animation
Longform
An Open Letter to Blue Sky's Chris Wedge
" “>
Hey look! It’s you!! Chris Wedge!!! Nice pic. Great movie.
Dear Chris,
I heard the news. I’m sorry I didn’t write sooner. Things have been a tad crazy of late, what with the pandemic and gun violence and political division and illegal wars and whatnot. I started writing this before the war and Uvalde, but I felt it was important to acknowledge these facts of life and death we are facing before I launch into this escapist fever dream. Anyway…
Disney can be quite the pain in the ass these days, what with all the acquisitions and late-stage Capitalism and all. I recently read the Paste piece, An Oral History of Scrat Tales: The Death and Legacy of Blue Sky Studios, and I feel for you and your peeps. For the record, I don’t …
politics
Longform
The Preamble of The U.S. Constitution | Shallow Thoughts
" “>
How do we define the United States of America? We call it a country, but that just means a plot of land with established borders. Land certainly tells stories, but those tales are woven over millennia, and definitions within that context just don’t scale down for the convenience of our human time-frame.
The first quote I think of in regards to the makeup of our government is that it is formed…
…of the people, by the people, and for the people…
Sounds familiar, right? Well, it’s not from the US Constitution. The quote comes from Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address, and the idea had been discussed by others for centuries. That might disappoint you, if you didn’t know that until now, but we do have an actual Constitution. If you …
Longform
Outlook Junkmail Arrives Flagged ... By Spammers
" “>
I’ve been having a problem lately. It’s not an enormous issue, but it bothers me. As you have likely already gleaned, I am receiving junk mail in my Outlook.com account which is already flagged, like so:
An example of a pre-flagged spam message.I don’t think most people have noticed it for a couple reasons:
Outlook.com, however, is an interesting beast; at once the best damned email client on the planet while being rather terrible at handling spam… sorta. I’ll get to the best part in a sec, but Google’s …
music
editorial
Longform
Francis Dunnery’s Let’s Go Do What Happens | Album Stories
" “>
Everyone calls him Frank. Let’s Go Do What Happens was released in 1998.I’m quite sure that it was early Fall in Vermont; leaf turning season. It drew the leaf peepers and they brought their money. We didn’t turn in those circles, or any circles for that matter. We spent time at home or at school or with the baby or at various jobs. She worked at the Vermont State Department of Corrections for a time. I worked at the nearby IBM plant for a spell. I attempted another go at college. I’d like to think we failed each other.
Have a listen to the album while reading this piece.The radio station that had to be on in the car at the time was The Point FM, de rigueur for any self-respecting AAA aficionado. Where else …
Longform
The Nothing | Short Fiction
" “>
The stairwell spirals down into the darkness. Well, not spiral, really, but there is no term that describes a rectangular shaped stairwell in a multi-story building. It didn’t matter, though. There was already a name for it. It was called The Nothing, and it had been named a few generations back, long before I was born. I come to stare into The Nothing quite often. There isn’t much else to do and it wasn’t forbidden. In fact, the Elders encouraged it, likely to instill a sense of dread. People fear the dark. It’s not that it’s darkness, but that you don’t know what could be hiding inside of it. After all, there isn’t anything threatening about an absence of light.
Back in “The Day”, people would venture down into The …
Longform
How to destroy Twitter in 30 days or less
" “>
“The Man Who Can Do No Wrong Even When He Clearly Does”Step 1. Be Elon Musk.
Step 2. Buy Twitter for $45 billion.
Step 3. Tweet.
Step 4. Never, ever apologize for anything.
Now just sit back, soak in the sun on some private island, sip on your cocktail, check your stocks and bank balances, and wait. Of course, your tweets may or may not have an impact on how long the process takes, so you may not wish to stop or have some unpaid interns handle it for you. Regardless, your mileage may vary. Now, there’s a very strong chance that you are unable to overcome the requirements for Step 1, but I have faith in you!
Once in the “Zone” though, Step 2 is likely even more difficult, but stay strong. You’ll just have to get …
editorial
technology
Longform
Can we please end the stupid "Natural" vs. "Reverse" scrolling debacle?
" “>
I am quite well versed in the extensive history of the operating system wars. Apple effectively created the home computer industry, and Microsoft has been doggedly chasing after ever since. This is not a new story in the slightest.
Historical documents tell us that Steve Jobs managed to arrange a tour at Xerox’s Palo Alto Research Center, frequently called Xerox PARC, which had been tasked by their parent company with developing a wide range of modern computing technologies for the future. The PARC teams were responsible for laster printers, Ethernet, the desktop paradigm for graphical user interfaces, e-paper, Very Large-Scale Integration or VLSI, the process which made all of the computer chips we use today even …
satire
Longform
How to sacrifice children for a thriving weapons industry | 2022 Q2 Update
" “>
Welcome one and all! Is your weapons industry suffering in the markets when there’s little direct war action to feed the coffers for your “investors”? Our simple program allows you to generate almost unlimited “excitement” for weapon, accessory, and ammunition sales.
2022 has been a year of explosive growth for the gun industry, and we see nothing but profits for the ongoing future. Take a look at some of the successful results from our non-stop “marketing” campaign for “freedom”.
NOTE: The continued performance of gun “enthusiasm” despite the “unintended restructuring” of the National Rifle Association and their extensive messaging platform is a huge cost savings since we no longer funnel funds into their Ackerman …
apple
editorial
Longform
I've gone (back to) Mac & why you should, too.
" “>
An overview of Apple’s technologically significant M1 chip architecture. Neato torpedo…
Back in 2009, I needed to have the CPU repasted in my MacBook Pro as it was running hot. Ill-advised in retrospect, I poked around Craig’s List until I settled on someone offering repair services that I felt I could trust. I spoke to him on the phone a few times, and we arranged to meet. I dropped off the laptop, we chatted jovially for about ten minutes, and then I went home.
I never saw that machine again.
I had been a contented Apple user since the (very) late 1970’s, but as the 2000’s wore on, my satisfaction had been whittled away by a range of issues like Apple’s pricing, the rise of the walled garden, and limitations preventing …
music
editorial
Longform
America's most underrated musical genius | Bruce Hornsby
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Bruce Hornsby with The Grateful Dead performing at Soldier Field on July 4, 2015 in Chicago. Jay Blakesberg/Invision for the Grateful Dead/AP Images
I’m not going to go into a long, winding diatribe about how and why and when Bruce became a humble god living among us mortals. He’d just deny it. Instead, I’ll show you.
Hell, this is from 1999. There’s another 20 years of new stuff to take in from there, and he’s still going. Not now, of course. Pandemic, anyone?
You certainly know him from the title track from his debut album, The Way It Is, but that was back in 1986. What did he do from 1986 to 1999? Hmm…
movies
animation
review
Longform
Hotel Transylvania: Transformania | Film Review
" “>
Despite the growing recognition in the West that animation is not a medium made expressly for children, there is an expansive industry that revolves around productions that aim specifically for that audience. Ahem… Disney? Heard of ‘em? There are a number of outfits that play in that space these days. Warner, Illumination, Pixar, DreamWorks, Universal, and Sony Pictures Animation, in no particular order, are a smattering. Each studio has their own “voice” but Sony’s Hotel Transylvania franchise is a series of films that speaks in its own voice, and that voice is Genndy Tartakovsky.
And yet, Tartakovsky’s participation in the fourth entry in the tetralogy is limited to writing the story, co-penning the script, and acting …
linux
Longform
Are keyboard shortcuts really more efficient than a mouse?
" “>
As a Mac user, there is one very specific admonition from Windows and Linux users I hear frequently; too much mouse! But I’m not just a Mac peep, I’m also a Windows and Linux guy. I started as an Tandy Radio Shack kid, became an Apple ][ kid, then a PC teen, and ultimately a Mac jerk (read: young adult.) In the mid-90’s, when the public internet was spun up, I was still a Mac guy sporting a PowerBook 145b emitting a veritable thatch of SCSI peripherals. But the story gets even more complicated.
When I met my wife and started my second phase of life as a writer, I was working on Windows books. Without any PCs at the time, I did all my work in Connectix Virtual PC. Later I would upgrade to a PowerMac 7300/200 and buy a …
Longform
Using introspection to understand my own limitations
" “>
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I wrote up this draft in 2018 and (clearly, nerd) didn't post it. Here it is, mostly unedited, for your potential enjoyment/derision. -Ed.
I often tell this story when ferrying people around and the subject of jobs come up. A long time ago, I used to get really mad at people who didn't follow through on their commitments. In consulting and IT work, my targets would often be vendors and service providers. I would angrily tell them how they were violating the terms of their contract and, due to their incompetence, were costing my client money for every minute they continued to fail at their singular job.
Needless to say, …
Longform
Dumpster Fire: The Bed!
" “>
Despite being deep inside the artificially warmed folds of Holiday Happy-Ganda Season, I had to check the calendar to make sure it wasn't April 1st. If the image above wasn't enough to convince you of the sheer janky-ness of this "concept", check out the lede from the official press release:
A leading platform for fandoms and online communities has partnered with an independent bedmaker to create the ultimate ‘TV Binge Bed’. The ‘TV Binge Bed’ includes self-cleaning sheets, a ‘Netflix and Chill’ setting, and for those who don’t want to leave their bed at all, an optional built-in potty. The expected retail price of the bed is from $14,999 (£11,321). The unique product is being developed after the platform found that the …
Longform
Universal Basic Income in the Post Space Age
" “>
I originally wrote this piece in 2017 and am reposting it now because I believe the idea is critically important to the future of humanity and the survival of Earth and humanity. -Ed.
We should come to grips with the idea as soon as possible. We are, after all, heading for a rather dramatic shift in human thinking. We need to figure out how we humans are going to formulate our societies as soon as we have self-driving vehicles of all stripes, artificial intelligence running everything, smart grids that deliver all manner of clean energy, and robots that deal with all manner of work. We will be living in a version of the dystopian we’ve all seen in movies, but it won’t be quite so dystopian.
It will be a world without …
apple
review
Longform
iPhone cases & an important charity for Peruvian children
" “>
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Phone cases are a dime a dozen.
Well, not literally. They cost real money, but they’re available everywhere for all kinds of mobiles and at every conceivable price point. When it comes down to it, consumers will select the style and price that fits their circumstances and financial wherewithal. Hell, a lot of Chinese phone makers include a (cheap) case in the box that I’m sure a handful of people around the globe actually use.
When I received a press release from Illusion Photograph offering me a review sample of one of their phone cases, I told them up front that they should focus on getting samples to more visible …
politics
Longform
Where’s the rage? | Pandemic Edition
" “>
Where is it, the rage? We should all be really, quite upset. Why aren't we marching in the streets, demanding accountability for the endless stream of corruption and criminality that has been unveiled on an almost daily basis for quite a few years? The French? Fuck, they're out in the street if anyone, anywhere sneezes on their rights! The Yellow Vests? You might have heard of them?
The …WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT – ‘Not only did the FBI not report my abuse, but when they eventually documented my report 17 months later, they made entirely false claims about what I said,’ Olympic gymnast McKayla Maroney told U.S. lawmakers https://t.co/J14eAYuVes pic.twitter.com/i1R9Ct0VJl
— Reuters (@Reuters) September 15, 2021
movies
review
Longform
Greenland (2020) | Film Review
" “>
Good GOD, what a pig. Sure, Gerard Butler was a staple in mid-budget action flicks, but this dumpster fire isn’t one of his better ones, and it’s not going to inject any enthusiasm into prospects for his ongoing career.
BUDGET: $35 million BOX OFFICE: $47.5 million (worldwide)
Directed by Ric Roman Waugh and written by Chris Sparling, this schlocky disaster flick wannabe already instills a sense of dread before you cue it up after seeing that the movie poster proudly proclaims the movie is from “the” producer of the John Wick franchise, The Town, and Clash of The Titans (that monster hit… get it.)
When was the last time you were excited to see the latest film from your favorite producer?
Look, I’ve tried to write a …
Longform
How To Be The Most Amazing Person Ever
" “>
So, you want to be the most amazing person ever. The good news is that, through the power of positive thinking, you can have anything* you want, as long as you know the secret.
What is the secret?
Well, it wouldn’t be much of a secret if I didn’t drag this unnecessarily hyperbolic exposition out for as long as humanly possible only to tell you something ludicrously obvious at the end, would it? In order for the secret to actually work, you’ll need to tolerate a lot of extraneous narrative that leads you to the very narrow conclusions I, the author, want you to “discover” for yourself. So, how am I going to do that? Easy. We start at the beginning…
The Problem
You’re stuck in a rut. You’re spinning your wheels. You can’t …
Longform
My father died today.
" “>
My father being arrested for protesting, something he was quite happy to do. He was staunchly anti-war and would always stand up for the little guy. Well, mostly always…
My sister summed it up best.
“I haven’t seen him in so long, he’s already been dead to me,” she said, or something like it. You get the point.
I was watching a video on YouTube about the new Anbernic RG351M when it paused itself. Then my phone rang. I could see it was my sister from the image that appeared on the display. I knew at that moment that she was calling me to tell me dad had died. She had texted me the day before letting me know that he was in hospice at home.
This was a marked change from years past. When my older sister died in the early …
capitalism
Longform
Does our future require Capitalism?
" “>
A neighborhood in Mexico City that shows a stark divide between the wealthy and powerful and those who cannot afford to live in a safe, clean place. [SOURCE: BoredomTherapy]
There is an existing dynamic between capitalism and science which fosters a high stakes game of one-upmanship among different corporations and organizations to find the “killer app” and crush the competition. An enormous component of this dynamic is the winner-take-all mentality that is a core tenet of today’s current hyper-capitalism.
Proponents of capitalism claim that it is the market that is the catalyst for the competition that has created all of our advanced technologies and drives our future. Without capitalists being allowed to do whatever they …
Listening
Reading
Into the Unbeing Part One #1
Zac Thompson
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